What made you LOL today?

RobM said:
So I'm Aldi buying some toilet chemicals and a bag of dog food for the dog. While in the queue for the till, a woman behind me asked "whats that bottle of stuff ?" I explained that caravans have toilets etc, then she said " I see you have a dog", (why else would I be buying dog food, ).
So on impulse I told her "no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but since I'd lost 2 stone before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a 'perfect diet' and all you do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you".
I told her no,"I stepped off a curb to sniff a spaniel's arse and a bus hit me"
Click to expand...

Hahahahahahahahaha XD
 
RobM said:
So I'm Aldi buying some toilet chemicals and a bag of dog food for the dog. While in the queue for the till, a woman behind me asked "whats that bottle of stuff ?" I explained that caravans have toilets etc, then she said " I see you have a dog", (why else would I be buying dog food, ).
So on impulse I told her "no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but since I'd lost 2 stone before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a 'perfect diet' and all you do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you".
I told her no,"I stepped off a curb to sniff a spaniel's arse and a bus hit me"
Click to expand...

Faith in humanity is restored!

Comedy isn't dead after all:D
 
lol :D

Here's a good one...

So a pit bull and a rottweiler are at the vets. The pit bull asks the rottweiler "Why are you here fella?" the rottweiler replies "Well, I got off my lead and I attacked a little girl. They are putting me to sleep". So the rottweiler asks the pit bull "Why are you here". "Well" says the pit bull "I was walking around the house and my owner was cleaning the bath tub. She was bent over the bath cleaning it and had no panties on, so I ran up behind her, jumped on and started pumping !". "Wow !" says the rottweiler "they are putting you to sleep for that?!?!?!?"

"no" replies the pit bull "I am here to get my claws clipped".

Tell you what REALLY made me lol. I remembered one time my grandad was in the hospital. It was something gastric. My brother and I went to visit him when my bro got done work. We went there, and sat by the bed side chatting. All of a sudden my grandad doubles up in pain and says "QUICK ! put your hand up and call for a nurse". So I stick my hand as high as it will go, and yell out "NURSE !".. And he farted. Really, really loudly. So loudly that the entire ward look over and what do they see? me, sitting there with my hand in the air ffs.

I was so embarrassed and believe me, it takes an awful lot to make me go red. My brother was wetting himself lol.
 
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AlienALX said:
lol :D

Here's a good one...

So a pit bull and a rottweiler are at the vets. The pit bull asks the rottweiler "Why are you here fella?" the rottweiler replies "Well, I got off my lead and I attacked a little girl. They are putting me to sleep". So the rottweiler asks the pit bull "Why are you here". "Well" says the pit bull "I was walking around the house and my owner was cleaning the bath tub. She was bent over the bath cleaning it and had no panties on, so I ran up behind her, jumped on and started pumping !". "Wow !" says the rottweiler "they are putting you to sleep for that?!?!?!?"

"no" replies the pit bull "I am here to get my claws clipped".

Tell you what REALLY made me lol. I remembered one time my grandad was in the hospital. It was something gastric. My brother and I went to visit him when my bro got done work. We went there, and sat by the bed side chatting. All of a sudden my grandad doubles up in pain and says "QUICK ! put your hand up and call for a nurse". So I stick my hand as high as it will go, and yell out "NURSE !".. And he farted. Really, really loudly. So loudly that the entire ward look over and what do they see? me, sitting there with my hand in the air ffs.

I was so embarrassed and believe me, it takes an awful lot to make me go red. My brother was wetting himself lol.
Click to expand...
love it
 
kAaXv1A.jpg
 
This whole youtube boxing thing :lol:

One of the fights, one of the guys decided to start doing "Fortnite" dances I mean seriously what a joke.

Either way some of these are just funny, but 1 or 2 of them seem like almost decent fights.
 
RobM said:
So I'm Aldi buying some toilet chemicals and a bag of dog food for the dog. While in the queue for the till, a woman behind me asked "whats that bottle of stuff ?" I explained that caravans have toilets etc, then she said " I see you have a dog", (why else would I be buying dog food, ).
So on impulse I told her "no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but since I'd lost 2 stone before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a 'perfect diet' and all you do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you".
I told her no,"I stepped off a curb to sniff a spaniel's arse and a bus hit me"
Click to expand...

That was brilliant!
 
So that is how you split billet :D

Fantastic, thanks for that man my mate will love that :D

hahaha the bit with the tap. Flip the image lmfao that was brilliant :D
 
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A GREAT CHICKEN RECIPE
Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!
When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
Give this a try.
  • Size 18. chicken
  • 1 cup melted butter
  • 1 cup stuffing
  • 1 cup of uncooked popcorn
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • Preheat oven to 220c.
  • Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.
  • Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
  • Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the oven.
Listen to the popping sounds.
When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.
And you thought I couldn't cook.
 
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