For the non-scots folk here (that`ll be...most of ya!) a ned is more or less the Scottish equivalent of a chav.
With that in mind, I present this selection of pearls:
Q. What's the difference between a ned and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
Q. Two neds jump off a cliff, who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a ned girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old ned girl?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a ned in a filing cabinet?
A. Sorted.
Q. What do say to a ned in a suit
A. "Will the defendant please rise"
Q. Why did the ned cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason
Q. What do you call a ned girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you're driving and see a ned on a bike why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a ned quiz night?
A. What you looking at.
Q. Why are neds like slinkey's?
A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs
Q. Two neds in a car without any music, who's driving?
A. The police!
Q. What do you call a hundred neds at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.
Q. Why is 3 neds going over a cliff in a nova a shame?
A. Because a nova has 4 seats.
Q. What do you call a ned with 9 gcse's?
A. A liar.
Q. What do you say to a ned with a job?
A. Bigmac please.
Q. What's the difference between a ned boy and ned girl?
A. A ned girl has a higher sperm count
With that in mind, I present this selection of pearls:
Q. What's the difference between a ned and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
Q. Two neds jump off a cliff, who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a ned girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old ned girl?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a ned in a filing cabinet?
A. Sorted.
Q. What do say to a ned in a suit
A. "Will the defendant please rise"
Q. Why did the ned cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason
Q. What do you call a ned girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you're driving and see a ned on a bike why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a ned quiz night?
A. What you looking at.
Q. Why are neds like slinkey's?
A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs
Q. Two neds in a car without any music, who's driving?
A. The police!
Q. What do you call a hundred neds at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.
Q. Why is 3 neds going over a cliff in a nova a shame?
A. Because a nova has 4 seats.
Q. What do you call a ned with 9 gcse's?
A. A liar.
Q. What do you say to a ned with a job?
A. Bigmac please.
Q. What's the difference between a ned boy and ned girl?
A. A ned girl has a higher sperm count
