FML Thread

[Dicehunter]

Bloody hell I just wonder what would happen if my best friend Colin had not committed suicide.

Colin was black, but he didn't give a chuff. Jokes about race were constant. IE - me "Do you want a coffee Col?" Colin "Yeah go on then" me - "How do you want it" Colin "You dare say black mother f***er" *rolling with laughter*.

I remember one morning he sent me a text. It read "Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a N word, stuck the barrel up his ass and pulled the f*****g trigger".

Seriously, when it came to race there were no bounds. We had another very close friend working with us called Shahn. He was Iranian (real name was Shabnam) and the jokes he used to get. Jesus. We used to call him the wannabe Ukranian.

Honestly if the three of us were at it today we'd probably all be arrested. Can you imagine that? a black guy, white guy and Iranian all being thrown in a meat wagon for racism?

I miss Colin so, so very much. I really did love the bones of him.

It's the same with me and a few mates in Germany, Me being a half German half Irish Jew but looking like a stereotypical German with blonde hair and blue eyes and 2 mates of mine in Berlin 1 Turkish that wears a fez that smokes like a chimney and the other an ex army Russian who's constantly drunk, The jokes that get told between us would make PC peoples heads implode ^_^

 

[AlienALX]

It's the same with me and a few mates in Germany, Me being a half German half Irish Jew but looking like a stereotypical German with blonde hair and blue eyes and 2 mates of mine in Berlin 1 Turkish that wears a fez that smokes like a chimney and the other an ex army Russian who's constantly drunk, The jokes that get told between us would make PC peoples heads implode ^_^

Give it ten years they will have microphones in our sodding houses ffs.

I've said it many times now, but I am *so glad* I decided to detach myself from the public completely and hunker down with my family. Now granted, I do have a friend now, but he's my age from my school (not literally) and he gets it all.

BTW Dice. Did you see what happened in Celebrity Big Brother? lol man, you would have blown a gasket for sure. This guy out of Coronation St dances around this girl throwing pretend jabs right. Nowhere near her, was just a show of affection.

She accused him of beating her up, refused to sleep in the house itself and was put in a private room.

Obviously it totally backfired on her, 'cause every one could see what actually happened but yeah man, totally tried ruining his career and life with her accusations.

I heard (seriously, no jokes now) that parents in the USA may have to ask their babies if they can wipe their asses.

 

[Dicehunter]

Give it ten years they will have microphones in our sodding houses ffs.

I've said it many times now, but I am *so glad* I decided to detach myself from the public completely and hunker down with my family. Now granted, I do have a friend now, but he's my age from my school (not literally) and he gets it all.

Same here, I have 1 good friend and then maybe 1-2 people I'd consider mates but that's it, If my social circle got much bigger I'd get arrested for wrong-think with my humour XD

 

[AlienALX]

Same here, I have 1 good friend and then maybe 1-2 people I'd consider mates but that's it, If my social circle got much bigger I'd get arrested for wrong-think with my humour XD

That's how it has to be these days. If you are not with people you can 100% trust you are dangerously exposed tbh.

Sake man.

 

[Dicehunter]

That's how it has to be these days. If you are not with people you can 100% trust you are dangerously exposed tbh.

Sake man.

Agreed, It's why outside of work I generally keep to myself as you never know just who you might offend with a harmless joke or a mannerism they find offensive and the next thing you know you have the PC police breathing down your neck.

 

[AlienALX]

Agreed, It's why outside of work I generally keep to myself as you never know just who you might offend with a harmless joke or a mannerism they find offensive and the next thing you know you have the PC police breathing down your neck.

Actually I tell you what it reminds me of. London. That is what it reminds me of.

I was born in 1974. I lived literally within spitting distance of London itself, most of my family were in London. It was a nice place where I lived. Quiet, an old farming town.

In the 80s it started getting built up and swallowed by London itself. However, things changed. In the 70s and 80s it was open doors. Every one knew every one, every one was friendly and said hello. If I got bored I could literally go nextdoor, push the door open and go in and see Vera and her kids. It was lovely.

Then slowly we started getting an influx of people who were not born there. I won't say which, as I will probably be accused of being racist but the moment that happened the place changed, and not for the better.

I can understand that where these people came from was probably a poverty encrusted dump. I get that. I get why you would want to take flight and make a decent living for yourself. However, that land of mistrust and etc that they came from made them act in a certain way. I wouldn't call it all out ignorant, but then at the same time I would not call it friendly either. And that changed where I lived. All of a sudden people stopped being courteous, stopped saying hello and good morning and etc and became more ignorant.

So it got to the point in the late 90s where no one would let you out in your car, no one would hold a door open for you and etc. It was dog eat dog basically.

That's a shame, man. Like, when I got to the USA it was a huge shock. I had grown up in this fast paced, busy, loud and ignorant place and all of a sudden I am in a small, real farming town in the USA. People say hello, people hold open doors, etc.

I couldn't believe it. At one point this guy holds a door open and I just freeze. My ex pushes me and says " are you doing?" and I blurt out "He's going to let it go in my face !!!!!".

That is why I wouldn't go back. Even when I was starving hungry I would think about the way people acted there and treated each other and would rather have died. When mum made the move down here I was confident it would be a nice place to live.

And I was right. But mostly because it is 90% old people who have moved down here to escape London ! ffs.

 

[Dicehunter]

Actually I tell you what it reminds me of. London. That is what it reminds me of.

I was born in 1974. I lived literally within spitting distance of London itself, most of my family were in London. It was a nice place where I lived. Quiet, an old farming town.

In the 80s it started getting built up and swallowed by London itself. However, things changed. In the 70s and 80s it was open doors. Every one knew every one, every one was friendly and said hello. If I got bored I could literally go nextdoor, push the door open and go in and see Vera and her kids. It was lovely.

Then slowly we started getting an influx of people who were not born there. I won't say which, as I will probably be accused of being racist but the moment that happened the place changed, and not for the better.

I can understand that where these people came from was probably a poverty encrusted dump. I get that. I get why you would want to take flight and make a decent living for yourself. However, that land of mistrust and etc that they came from made them act in a certain way. I wouldn't call it all out ignorant, but then at the same time I would not call it friendly either. And that changed where I lived. All of a sudden people stopped being courteous, stopped saying hello and good morning and etc and became more ignorant.

So it got to the point in the late 90s where no one would let you out in your car, no one would hold a door open for you and etc. It was dog eat dog basically.

That's a shame, man. Like, when I got to the USA it was a huge shock. I had grown up in this fast paced, busy, loud and ignorant place and all of a sudden I am in a small, real farming town in the USA. People say hello, people hold open doors, etc.

I couldn't believe it. At one point this guy holds a door open and I just freeze. My ex pushes me and says " are you doing?" and I blurt out "He's going to let it go in my face !!!!!".

That is why I wouldn't go back. Even when I was starving hungry I would think about the way people acted there and treated each other and would rather have died. When mum made the move down here I was confident it would be a nice place to live.

And I was right. But mostly because it is 90% old people who have moved down here to escape London ! ffs.

It's like that in the town in Texas I'm going to, Everyone is polite and nice hence why I'm hopefully staying for 6 months to escape southern England, I live quite close to London ATM and I worked there for 1 week a few months back, Never again, It was like being in a different country, London is no longer an English city and it shows badly.

 

[Excalabur50]

So after a week of being sick as a dog and popping so many antibiotics and pills that I rattled when I walked my cyst decided it was going to blow up like a balloon and when I went to bed last night (thankfully whilst I was asleep so I didn't feel it!) it burst open.
So I awoke this morning to a pair of trackdaks and my bed clothes covered in pus and blood no saving the pants straight in the bin with them and I've been washing bedclothes all frigging day but my one saving grace is the pain has dropped heaps and my fevers have dropped heaps and when I saw my Doctor again today he said it's good thing which I knew already and put me on yet another antibiotic so hopefully now I'm on the road to recovery.

 

[Dicehunter]

At least you're on the road to full recovery now

 

[Excalabur50]

At least you're on the road to full recovery now

Yeah man tell you what though that was the week from hell the pain and fevers just horrendous I wouldn't wish it on anyone

 

[Dicehunter]

Yeah man tell you what though that was the week from hell the pain and fevers just horrendous I wouldn't wish it on anyone

I had 2 necrotic organs, Trust me I know what pain is, I am no fan of it ^_^

 

[Excalabur50]

I had 2 necrotic organs, Trust me I know what pain is, I am no fan of it ^_^

WTF how did that occur and did you lose them or were they saved?

 

[Dicehunter]

WTF how did that occur and did you lose them or were they saved?

Get ready for a wall of text ^_^

When I originally moved to Berlin for work in 2009 the agency that got me work had problems paying me as apparently their was a problem with their accounting office, So I had to scratch by for around 8 weeks on pennies, My daily food intake was 1 apple and a few gallons of water, If I was lucky.

I went to Berlin looking a little chubby, I had started a weight loss and muscle gain plan anyway so weight loss was the plan but the lack of food for 8 weeks drastically accelerated it, By the end of the 8 weeks I looked like something you would see in a WW2 documentary of the concentration camps, I looked like I was going to die any minute, You could make out individual spine vertebrae.

When I finally got paid I spent 1 week just eating, Getting in as many calories as possible, I put on a few pounds and looked much healthier after a few weeks and had lost a LOT of bodyfat to boot.

The drastic weight loss though had a bad side effect which only reared its head in May 2010 when I collapsed in extreme agony after being very uncomfortable for quite a few days prior.

Turns out my gall bladder was full to bursting with gall stones which inturn caused necrosis as nothing could "flow" so to speak and half of my pancreas was necrotic as well.

Got rushed into surgery, They took away half of my pancreas and all of my gall bladder, The doctor said if I had gone back to England like I had planned, Luckily we had the ash cloud from a volcanic eruption blocking air travel, I would have died on the flight home.

 

[trawetSluaP]

Get ready for a wall of text ^_^

When I originally moved to Berlin for work in 2009 the agency that got me work had problems paying me as apparently their was a problem with their accounting office, So I had to scratch by for around 8 weeks on pennies, My daily food intake was 1 apple and a few gallons of water, If I was lucky.

I went to Berlin looking a little chubby, I had started a weight loss and muscle gain plan anyway so weight loss was the plan but the lack of food for 8 weeks drastically accelerated it, By the end of the 8 weeks I looked like something you would see in a WW2 documentary of the concentration camps, I looked like I was going to die any minute, You could make out individual spine vertebrae.

When I finally got paid I spent 1 week just eating, Getting in as many calories as possible, I put on a few pounds and looked much healthier after a few weeks and had lost a LOT of bodyfat to boot.

The drastic weight loss though had a bad side effect which only reared its head in May 2010 when I collapsed in extreme agony after being very uncomfortable for quite a few days prior.

Turns out my gall bladder was full to bursting with gall stones which inturn caused necrosis as nothing could "flow" so to speak and half of my pancreas was necrotic as well.

Got rushed into surgery, They took away half of my pancreas and all of my gall bladder, The doctor said if I had gone back to England like I had planned, Luckily we had the ash cloud from a volcanic eruption blocking air travel, I would have died on the flight home.

ing hell! You don't do anything by halves then!

 

[Excalabur50]

Get ready for a wall of text ^_^

When I originally moved to Berlin for work in 2009 the agency that got me work had problems paying me as apparently their was a problem with their accounting office, So I had to scratch by for around 8 weeks on pennies, My daily food intake was 1 apple and a few gallons of water, If I was lucky.

I went to Berlin looking a little chubby, I had started a weight loss and muscle gain plan anyway so weight loss was the plan but the lack of food for 8 weeks drastically accelerated it, By the end of the 8 weeks I looked like something you would see in a WW2 documentary of the concentration camps, I looked like I was going to die any minute, You could make out individual spine vertebrae.

When I finally got paid I spent 1 week just eating, Getting in as many calories as possible, I put on a few pounds and looked much healthier after a few weeks and had lost a LOT of bodyfat to boot.

The drastic weight loss though had a bad side effect which only reared its head in May 2010 when I collapsed in extreme agony after being very uncomfortable for quite a few days prior.

Turns out my gall bladder was full to bursting with gall stones which inturn caused necrosis as nothing could "flow" so to speak and half of my pancreas was necrotic as well.

Got rushed into surgery, They took away half of my pancreas and all of my gall bladder, The doctor said if I had gone back to England like I had planned, Luckily we had the ash cloud from a volcanic eruption blocking air travel, I would have died on the flight home.

Wow it was like my first cyst not knowing what it was I was told if I'd left it another hour I wouldn't be here either, but damn man glad the flight didn't happen huh.

 

[Dicehunter]

Wow it was like my first cyst not knowing what it was I was told if I'd left it another hour I wouldn't be here either, but damn man glad the flight didn't happen huh.

Thank you, Likewise ^_^

 

[jimma47]

Give it ten years they will have microphones in our sodding houses ffs.

Ok Google... Hello Alexa, Hey Siri... Already happening my friend. Best part of 'Ex-machina' was that bluebook were using everyones phones to collate data and everyone in the governments knew it but they were all doing it too so kept quiet.
*edit - ok 2nd best part. Alicia Vikander was the best part

I had 2 necrotic organs, Trust me I know what pain is, I am no fan of it ^_^

Necrotic gall bladder here. Not fun. I thought I had food poisoning. Third time I got the symptoms and had 7 hours of vomiting but still being male I was too stubborn to go to the doctor.

Eventually my gf insisted I went to the doc. Ended up getting an ultrasound and then straight to the E.R. from there.

Wow it was like my first cyst not knowing what it was I was told if I'd left it another hour I wouldn't be here either, but damn man glad the flight didn't happen huh.

Glad you're on the mend mate.

 

[Excalabur50]

Thank you, Likewise ^_^

Ok Google... Hello Alexa, Hey Siri... Already happening my friend. Best part of 'Ex-machina' was that bluebook were using everyones phones to collate data and everyone in the governments knew it but they were all doing it too so kept quiet.
*edit - ok 2nd best part. Alicia Vikander was the best part



Necrotic gall bladder here. Not fun. I thought I had food poisoning. Third time I got the symptoms and had 7 hours of vomiting but still being male I was too stubborn to go to the doctor.

Eventually my gf insisted I went to the doc. Ended up getting an ultrasound and then straight to the E.R. from there.



Glad you're on the mend mate.

Hey Dice just saw your sig mate LOL!
and thanks jimma47!

 

[Dicehunter]

Hey Dice just saw your sig mate LOL!
and thanks jimma47!

I do try ^_^

On a side note a club near me is having a smart dress code put in place for Saturday nights i.e shirt, Tie, Pressed pants, Shined shoes and someone has now called it racist and accused the owner of being a Nazi, The owner is Jewish FYI..........

Yep, Racist for wanting 1 night per week in smart attire.

Someone stop the planet, I want to get off now, Too many hyper emotional idiots.

 

[g0ggles1994]

So, bit of a first world FML here
I've been in the Caribbean the past week, and I'm flying home tomorrow but I'm burnt like a lobster and the skin has peeled across my shoulders and I feel like they're on fire.

Tomorrow's 9 hour flight is going to be hell...