Computer slang

[Lallespasser]

Found this on another forum. A list of slang used to sell PC's

NEW - Different color from previous design

ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition

DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it

IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming

FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works

REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does

DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others

MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix

RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...

HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on

PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours

BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it

NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work

MILITARY-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain

LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

 

[VonBlade]

The one thing that makes me spit feathers and want to write to the Times is :

New and Improved.

It's either new, or it's improved. It can't be both. Gihhabpibha[weh GRRRRRRRRRR

 

[Rastalovich]

IT Support Department - We'll try damn hard, and take our sweet time, to sort out whatever problem your having. If you're lucky, someone who either gives a damn or wasn't taught about computers solely in college will be about.

 

[JN]

DONGLE - Anything that hangs out the back of your PC like a c*ck

 

[mayhem]

Yes it Plays games - play the latest face book games or new games at 640x480

Can play movies - Yes you can download you porn collection to it

Windows 7 Compatible - Weave just scraped through the minimum tests

Slim design - Its a laptop in a desktop case

Eco friendly - It will brake after the warranty ready for you dumb enough to come back and buy another one.

manufactures warranty - Our service department sucks so go else ware.

Life time warranty - The company is going bust soon so we wont honour it and don't care.

drivers can be updated - The drivers don't work correctly so were hoping they will be fixed by some one else.

Limited stock - Our buy in department are idiots and never ordered enough.

Price Drop- we are moving the shit out for the new stuff

Bargin - The shit we couldn't move move after the price drop

Pre owned - We couldn't fix it neither will you.

Resller - add 50% to the real price

Import - it doesn't come with a UK standard plug

Free printer "Lexark" - were going to sting you on the printer cartridges

Speak to out technical department - I am a sales man but haven't got a clue what im talking about

Google - Your best friend

Price match - we added or removed some thing so you cannot match it.

Warrnety void If - we don't what you looking inside because its a mess.

PC check - we will scan disk and defrag but if we find a virus we will wipe and charge you £60 for the pleasure.

PC Check up- we will look though all you privet photos and post them on the net.

My mate says !!! - Your gullible

It was working but now !!! and i haven't touched it - Your lying

erm do i need to think of more lol