Australian Computer Terminology

Excalabur50

Well-known member
Australian Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!!

LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE: What mozzies do
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
 
A Geezers Guide to Medical Terms

Artery.....The Study of Paintings
Benign.....What you be after you be eight
Bacteria.....Back door to the Cafeteria
Barium.....What doctors do when patients die
Cesarean Section .....A neightbourhood in Rome
Catscan .....Searching for Kitty
Cauterize.....Made eye contact with her
Colic.....A sheep Dog
Medical Staff.....A doctors cane
Morbid.....A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates.....Cheaper than day rates
Node.....I knew it!
Coma.....Punctuation mark
D&C Where.....Washington is
Dilate.....To live long
Genital.....Non Jewish person
GI series.....World series of military baseball
Hangnail.....What you hang your coat on
Impotent.....Distinguished, well known
Secretion.....Hiding something
Seizure.....Roman Emperor
Tablet.....Small table
Terminal Illness.....Getting sick at the airport
Tumor.....More than one
Urine.....Opposite of you're out
Varicose.....Near by
Enema.....Not a friend
Fester.....Quicker than everyone else
Fibular.....A small lie
 
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