Loss and Support Thread

Excalabur50

Excalabur50

Well-known member
I hope this is ok to have, I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we can discuss our losses and other issues and give each other moral support as there are many times where people have nowhere or no one to turn to in times of trouble.

I myself don't really have anyone to talk to much about things and the people on here are such a great and caring community we may be able to help heal each other so please feel free to post and if the mods don't feel this is an appropriate thread for this forum then please feel free to delete it.
 
AlienALX said:
Yeah great idea man. Feeling a little better today :)
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Glad to hear it as a matter of fact Iam a little too and just talking about things even just a little bit can really help.

I do have some good news about my wife too she's been able to get out of bed and move around a bit after being bed ridden for 18 months so we are really happy about that :)
 
Fantastic idea for a thread fella, losing someone is probably the hardest thing in the world to deal with and it's by no means an easy thing to overcome but friends and family, whether that's the forum family, real family or other social circles it always helps the process. Something I wish I'd found earlier on in life but I'm thankfully still here to talk about it, I hit rock bottom pretty hard after the loss of my dad began to mix with the wrong crowds eventually after a year I pulled myself out of it after being so drunk one night I found myself looking in the mirror wondering who it was looking back. Then some 7 years later I lost my mum and was so thankful for friends to talk to and found my love for computers again, don't get me wrong I was still drinking pretty heavy and stuff was really getting to me. 6 months later and I'm hitting the drink harder and not seeing an end to the pain which is when I discovered OC3D and after watching subscriber videos and reading many threads where I found a new family and great people I could gel with, it was around this time I met my ex too and to this day she is still my best friend I pretty much stopped drinking for the sake of feeling numb and began to feel great again.

Long story short I guess, friends get you through some of the hardest times in life. It does take time I don't like cliches but time is a healer, I won't lie the pain is always there and it always will be but I've come to accept it and I just focus on the good times & memories and carry on which is what I know they'd want me to do.

I'm always here for anyone who needs a sympathetic ear or shoulder to cry on.
 
Brilliant idea, Great bunch of chaps on this forum :)

I wouldn't say my situation is dire but an absolutely drop dead gorgeous girl both physically and mentally *to me at least* that I had the biggest crush on alllllll the way through secondary school who also had a crush on me all the way through secondary school but we both thought neither of us liked the other, Contacted me yesterday.

She managed to get my phone number from a friend and asked me out on a date this Saturday evening, Obviously I was over the moon but then I remembered, The problem is I'm moving to the other end of the country Saturday morning.

She works at a law firm that's just starting up and mainly all female so it's her dream job, I'm moving down south for a new job this saturday so the situation sucks.

Tiz just not in the cards it seems, There's more but it gets a bit personal, Way too many roadblocks in the way so I've lost a potential girlfriend who could have turned out to be more maybe, Sucks beyond belief.
 
@ Wraith glad to hear you are feeling better mate i know what it's like to hit bottom i actually had a year a few years ago now where I lost 6 people and 3 pets one after the other and the only thing that ended up helping me was someone pointed me to a grief councilor and I believe that saved my life. And the same I'm here for all.

@ Dice I wouldn't write off that girl I have heard of long distance relationships working till they could get together proper cause if it's meant to be it's meant to be and distance wont matter a damn so don't torpedo it on a maybe, try talking to her and see how you both think and feel about it and whether it could possibly work or not, otherwise you will always regret not knowing and writing of something that still could have been.
 
I've not been able to visit my uncle. Not because any one has told me not to, but more because I just can't. Parts of me are still very raw and very child like. If I see something bad, for example, I can't get it out of my head for days/weeks sometimes. Medication has helped me with that (there is no way I could have watched Walking Dead for example before meds, especially Glen's death...) but there are still some things I am better off not seeing due to my mental health problems.

I spent a lot of time my with nana and gramps. I don't know why really. Probably something to do with the fact that I was uncontrollable under my mother's guidance (she tried everything I just ignored her) but something with my grandparents made me behave. People used to say I was incredibly well behaved when in the company of others.

Any way yeah, spent a lot of time with my nana. More than my gramps really. Because of that I knew Jeff better than any one else (my blood uncle, nana's youngest). He was still living at home for part of my childhood so I would play Monopoly with him (note, you never win against Jeff. He went on to become a banking expert and earned filthy amounts of coin doing so). But it was him that taught me "Buy everything you land on that you can afford". I never lost against my friends unless they cheated :D

So yeah, Jeff was a part of my childhood before my father had died (so 5-7) and he used to give me records and stuff (mostly disco stuff from the 70s, awesome :D )

When dad died Jeff took two weeks off of work and basically looked after my brother and I whilst my mum took care of s**t. The funeral, the autopsy etc. Stuff no 7 year old or 9 year old should be a part of. I didn't go to my dad's funeral. My uncle Rob who died a couple of years ago said he went to his father's funeral at that age and it permanently damaged him.

So yeah, Jeff stepped up and looked after us. I've also always had this bond with him because (not being a tw@ it's fact) we are the most intelligent in the family. I've got an IQ of 152 Jeff is way beyond that. We're talking Clive Sinclair genius level of IQ. As such we could talk about complicated maths and so on whilst the family looked on.

I think the worst part is going to be what this does to my mother, who is now in her 70s. That was her baby brother. She bottle fed him she changed his nappies and she looked after him as a kid. Sucks tbh. I think I am more upset about her than myself right now. Having said that I guess it's a distraction for my brain and I can worry about her rather than wallowing in self pity.

I hope I clack it quick. I've not seen Jeff since he was diagnosed, but he's down to six stone and can no longer eat or drink. I hope I clack it fast man, I don't wanna die like that. I've always kept "Suicide packs" stashed all over the place. An entire bottle of 30mg codeine no paracetemol, a box of Tramadol etc. These are hidden at various addresses and various locations. I think if I get diagnosed with terminal cancer I will put a stop to it pronto.
 
It's hard enough coping when you don't have mental health issues let alone with them i think you're doing really well Alien and it's a real shame that you can't see your uncle and i wish you well with things mate, just don't go the suicide route mate as all life is precious, at least try and talk to someone first and just remember no matter how dark it gets dawn always comes.
 
My uncle with cancer has now gone into a coma. They say he won't come out of it. He's only alive because his heart is so strong. The rest of him is shutting down. My head is saying stay strong my heart is saying cry your ing eyes out.
 
My father died two years ago today :( I miss him but seeing him so frail at the end was heartbreaking he passed less than an hour of seeing me as I never got on with his new wife money grabbing ****. I am the youngest son and had a very good childhood with him my mother left when I was 9 it was my Dad that brought me up so I miss him dearly
 
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AlienALX said:
My uncle with cancer has now gone into a coma. They say he won't come out of it. He's only alive because his heart is so strong. The rest of him is shutting down. My head is saying stay strong my heart is saying cry your ing eyes out.
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Dude, let go of that macho bull and just let it out man! Stay strong, pffft, as if showing love and grief is weakness. Get that crap out of your skull and just cry. There's no shame in that at all.
 
Gotta agree with Bartacus fella, let it out! I cried twice last week, once for built up stress and second because I'd run out of Icecream and the shop was shut.
 
Yeah I went with the latter. Cried for almost an hour. I really can't believe how gutted I am tbh. He was a good man and he was amazing when I was a kid. Was about ten years older than me, so a good person to look up to. Always thrashed me at Monopoly, and I used to love listening to his records when I was over nana's.

The day my dad died he came over with my aunty Sue and they looked after us for a week so my mother could grieve and put things in place (funeral etc). They took us to Chessington, Thorpe Park etc. Amazing really.

So yeah, I am absolutely gutted. Far too young to die tbh.
 
Good that you let it out mate as bottling is never a good thing as it causes you too much damage and don't be scared to cry again either you love him and there is nothing wrong with that
 
It's not that I am scared or even put off tbh, it's the pills I take.

As an example before I started taking them if I saw something that sparked emotion in me I would become a blubbering wreck. Here's an example. When I went to the USA my mother was in her 50s. I saw her twice during that time (10 years) and both early on. When I came home she had retired and was 63 IIRC. She looked like an old woman. Not the mother I remembered, but an old lady. I was watching something on the TV and it showed this woman with grey hair and patches of her hair missing from age and I just started bawling, thinking "how can life do this to good people?". I cried for hours. Literally until I had a pool of tears on my neck (I was lying on my back in bed watching TV).

But yeah, with my Bipolar going full swing that is the sort of thing that would happen. I was always crying.

I'm very unempathic as it is (screw you Google it's a real word !) and the pills I take remove those emotions almost completely and make me a bit nasty. That is why I hadn't cried in so long. Maybe eight years? not proper meaningful crying any way.

Mum's phones are broken ATM so I have had to rejoin Facebook to get the latest. This morning he was still alive. I'm not sure if I am happy or sad about that. I do know that I can't believe we let humans die like this.

All I know is Jeff is/was a good man. A very good man. And he doesn't deserve this. I know plenty of people who I would wish a whole bunch of cancer on but it certainly isn't ever the people that actually f*****g get it !
 
AlienALX said:
Well that's it, he's gone.

I feel completely desolate. Another one of my surrogate fathers is gone :(
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Sorry to hear it bud. :( At least he isn't suffering anymore. In my very limited experience with people wasting away with an awful disease, watching someone suffer for months on end can be more excruciating than losing them early on.

Hope you come through it ok, and my condolences to you and your loved ones.
 
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