Jokes.

[alienware]

They don't have to be clean jokes but please, keep the dirty words censored !

Mine is entitled 'pubic hair'.

A teacher asks her class of young children what they would like to be covered with and why.

The first child steps up and says -

"Well Miss, I would like to be covered in silver. As if I fell over and a bit broke off I could buy a Mercedes !"

The second child speaks up -

"Well Miss. I would like to be covered in gold. If I fell over and a bit broke off I could buy a Porsche !"

So the next one follows the trend, outsmarting the others -

"Miss, for me it would have to be platinum. Simply as if *I* fell over and a bit fell off I could get a Ferarri"

By now the teacher was growing a little bored, so asked if any one could come up with something more original. Suddenly a voice came from the back from young Timmy.

"Pubic hair Miss, I want to be covered in pubic hair !"

PUBIC HAIR?!?! cries the teacher. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO BE COVERED IN PUBIC HAIR?!?!?!

"Well Miss, it's like this. My sister has this tiny little patch of it between her legs. But man, you should see the cars parked outside my house when my parents are out !"

 

[killablade]

They don't have to be clean jokes but please, keep the dirty words censored !

Mine is entitled 'pubic hair'.

A teacher asks her class of young children what they would like to be covered with and why.

The first child steps up and says -

"Well Miss, I would like to be covered in silver. As if I fell over and a bit broke off I could buy a Mercedes !"

The second child speaks up -

"Well Miss. I would like to be covered in gold. If I fell over and a bit broke off I could buy a Porsche !"

So the next one follows the trend, outsmarting the others -

"Miss, for me it would have to be platinum. Simply as if *I* fell over and a bit fell off I could get a Ferarri"

By now the teacher was growing a little bored, so asked if any one could come up with something more original. Suddenly a voice came from the back from young Timmy.

"Pubic hair Miss, I want to be covered in pubic hair !"

PUBIC HAIR?!?! cries the teacher. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO BE COVERED IN PUBIC HAIR?!?!?!

"Well Miss, it's like this. My sister has this tiny little patch of it between her legs. But man, you should see the cars parked outside my house when my parents are out !"

Hahahahah right up my alley that one xD

 

[Matthew McEwan]

Very nice joke, check this one out.

A missionary gets sent into the deepest darkest depths Africa, and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write, and good Christian values. One thing that he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin.

"Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!!"

One day, the wife of one of the tribes’s noblemen gave birth to a white child. The village is shocked, and the chief is then sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black women gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. Anyone can see whats going on here!"

The missionary replies: "Oh, no, my good man - you are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, called an albino. LOOK TO THY YONDER FIELD! You see a field of white sheep, yet amongst them is one black sheep. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses a moment, and then says, "Tell you what - you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the child."

Nasty, I know.

 

[Matthew McEwan]

Just found this one on my phone.

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"

"I couldn't even get on the f...ing bed

 

[alienware]

I like that second one !

Paddy is walking down an alley way when he sees a prostitute leaning against a fence.

"Paddy, would you be interested in a bunk up for £10?"

"I'm not paying you ten quid to get over that fence !"

 

[Matthew McEwan]

What do you say when your Television is floating in the dark? "Drop my TV n****r"

Did you hear about that one Mexican that went to college? yeah.. me neither

Heard the one about the baby with H.I.V? It never gets old...

Sorry if these have defied forum rules, I had a quick look into the intro section and couldn't find a rules thread.

And dont forget the legendary Frankie Boyle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTF-cyYOfUc

P.S Some of Frankie's jokes may only apply if you live in Britain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlXAOGz8jXI&feature=related