For everyone who has ever had a job evaluation - just remember, it
could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from US
federal government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and
has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only
to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from US
federal government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and
has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only
to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
