need ur opinions guys?

[sammytomjohn]

i know this is all personal but i aint got nuffin to hide and know you guys are brill for advice!

well where do i start?

suppose that i should start with sayin that im a lil down in the dumps!

everybody here has always been supportive, very helpful and understanding! and i suppose i am asking any of you guys who have family's and kids for your advice!

have had my girlfriend playin me up all weekend drinkin as she has for the last time, messed me about! found she has been sleepin with my lil brother behind my back for a few weeks while i have been fixin my car!!

but thats not it she has constantly been drinkin for over a year now and has been spiralling out of control for quite a long time! i seen my bro whisperin in her ear on saturday so dragged him by his scruff and chucked him out of my house! she got drunk on saturday night then woke me up 2'oclock in the mornin just to give me abuse! so off she went strolling out of the house!! the next day i find out that she must have planned this all along to go and see my brother as she was talkin to him on facebook( he was over my uncles).. later through sunday daytime she goes parading herself around with my brother around family members homes to see if any1 will put them up..( she was snogging his face-off in my mothers! who has just had 70 stitches from a cancer operation! otherwise she wud of belted there pair of them) then after that and nobody would put up with them, she tried coming back to my house as if nothing has happened! she wanted to come in but i wouldnt let her! they had been drinkin white lightnin all day sunday too!

1 minute she was nice then when i wouldnt let her come in she got horrible! kikking my front door for 1/2 hr(she broke the letterbox and being a double glasing door it has footmarks everywhere!) i proceeded to phone the police

the police came and took her away if i didnt get in touch with her ALCOHOLIC mother then she would have been arrested and charged! later on through the night the baby walk up crying 4 or 5 times havin bad dreams as his bedroom is right above my front door (i had the heating on full blast and he was shakin like hell - so obviously bad dreams!)

police continue to phone our g.p. about the incident! the next day i see my health visitor! she take information off me about my partner!

suppose its 3 strikes and out!

1. she got arrested for being drunk and disorderly about september last year!( sleepin in the middle of the main road 11 oclock at night

2. she was platered 1 night and fell down the stairs and cracked the back of her skull open 1:30 in the mornin(10 stitches to the skull and another 20 puttin her skin back together!

3 what has finally happened this weekend

upto today i havent seen her! a phonecall sunday night to say she had my cashcard and that she was gonna take all my money out monday and spend it all( really childish)

health visitor comes back to me today and says that she has been in touch with my g.p. district nurses, and child services.. they say that child services are not gettin involved because they can see that the baby is happy with me and that he is well loved lots of family around me and is in a very stable enviroment! health services say to me that they are behind me 100% in gettin her removed from the house permanently and that the baby resides with me!

now the thing is that the health visitor said it is my "personal preference" if i want her to have any access to the baby unless it gets taken to court! i want her to see the baby but not if she is gonna cause any petty arguments with and the drinkin - i dont want the baby round her if she has been drinkin! the hardest part of it all is that if she comes to see him for an hr or 2! i am the 1 who is goin to be left dealing with pickin up the pieces! its ok for her to come play with him for an hr or 2 a week but what about when she leaves? i am the 1 who has to deal with the baby being upset for the next few days becos he dont see his mother! he is only 19 months old and he really will not understand any of this! i was upset on the phone cryin and telling her why she will probably never spend another whole day with her son ever again!( health visitor said she will never get custody of the baby!)

any1 been in a similar situation with this type of relationship and getting custody of your kids? what would you do! would you let her see the baby?

i know the main thing is that i gotta be strong and hold it together for my boys sake!

dont worry cory daddy will always be there for you!!

p.s. i never drink or do drugs!

 

[thestepster]

hey man really sorry to hear of your situation mate i have a dad that was just like her and my mum let me see him but he really never bothered and i seen him on the odd occasion over the years and i basically have no relationship with him at all now because ive grown up seein what he was like and i dont want to be around him at all my mum always said that i should find out what he was like myself but from what i understand when she kicked him out he was more reasonable but still on the drink constantly with less drama

how i think you should do it is let her strew in her own mess and make it totally clear thats she's not going to have anything at this rate as u wont stand for it your kid means 2 much and u wont let him be exposed to her ridiculous behaviour and another thing i realised was that the drinking never stopped with my dad and it never will he's just had liver failure and i have no sympathy for him at all he brought it all on himself

 

[Youngie1337]

Aww man I wasn't expecting a sad story like this. I guess time for my Jeremy Kyle mode lol.

The main thing is the kid/s, you're now in charge and have to do what you feel best. I don't know the woman but she seems like the alcohol is the only problem. It's a hard decision and it should obviously be based on how well you know her and the babies well being and future.

For her attitude and actions she is in a bad position, not as much as you would be if it was you though. Courts always seem to favor mothers over fathers in almost all cases. She would always get to see the kid (I'm guessing) even if you didn't want her to. I guess taking her children away from her is silly and pathetic for something like this. The only person in this that's going to get damaged is the children.

I say:

Sort her act out - stop drinking etc...

Get some professional help - anger problems

Work something out with her, supervised visits etc...

Sort your brother out, he has disrespected you, your mother, your uncle and your child, he is also a part to blame in this.

It takes 2 to mingle, they're both bad!

Are you willing to work on things?

Get checked for any diseases or w/e, just a thought because everyone has them nowadays lol.

Be happy and make sure children are happy with the decision you're going to make.

 

[sammytomjohn]

forgot to mention was told that if she ever comes back to stay with me then childrens services will get involved to take me to court to get the baby removed from the house as my ex is seen as a risk to the baby!

 

[ppuff]

Sorry to hear about your bad times.Just wanted to say that although I have not been through the same situation as you I do understand some of the difficulties that come along with it. I have been married 2 times and have a kid from each marriage and know all about the drama that comes along. Be strong dude, that's rule one. If you feel that it's definitely over with her then do your best to sever ties with your emotional attachment. This will help you focus on the task at hand which is the well being of your son. And as for the visits, there will be petty fights sometimes and crying and name calling and so on for a bit but that will fade as emotions calm down. My kids are alot older than your son and they still don't know all the details why I am still not married to their moms. I never wanted them to pass judgement toward their mothers on account of my feelings. Everything will work out ,but in due time. Good luck to ya!

 

[Runebeard]

Been wondering for a while whether I should post or not as I haven't really been through anything quite like this.

Dude we're all on your side do what you think is best for YOU and CORY.

Personally, I'm all for giving people another chance, to a point, and clearly your girlfriend (or ex-) has just abused your understanding and decent nature. In which case, I really don't think it would work having her back in the house with you and the baby.

IF, and thats a big if, she managed to clean up her act and attended something like Alcoholics Anonymous or sought professional help then I might start letting her see my son, but she'd really have to show the commitment to do it for Cory otherwise she's not worth the earth she stands on.

I may sound a little harsh, but when you become a parent you gain so much more responsibility and, to a point, have to grow up, which includes things like not getting bladdered like a student and generally acting like a child.

Thats my two cents man, I really hope this works out for you and Cory, you deserve the best.

 

[sammytomjohn]

just a little update i phoned her last night (for her to get some clothes collected) and after all the shannanigans that have gone on over the weekend, she said "i'm having a few cans to take away the pain and take my mind off everything!"

and i told her she wont be seeing the baby anytime soon if she is gonna carry on drinkin!

 

[Youngie1337]

Wow, she does have a problem :/. It's not like you can talk to her mother about it since she is in the same position. Go and see her friends and ask them to help her. Even if you hate her, let's not bring the kid down with it. I couldn't cope with my GF cheating on me, I would break down without a doubt and couldn't ever forgive her. I wouldn't however stop her from seeing her son/daughter, and I would help her because I would still see her a part of me.

 

[sammytomjohn]

I would break down without a doubt and couldn't ever forgive her. .

so would i if i didnt have my awesome pc and the forums to keep me goin!

 

[mayhem]

1) Child services do not need to take you to court to have the child removed. they can do it and then apply to the court afterwards.

2) if they said that then they are wrong how ever take heed and take it as a warning.

Personly i would speak to child services about her seeing the child under supervised access ONLY. this is to protect the child as you see her as a possable danger to him.

3) Star afresh with you son you better off with out her. let her dig her own grave and dont let her take it on you or your son.

4) Dont let her dictate any thing to you.

5) Kick the living !!!!!!!! out of you brother ....

6) dont do no 5) as CS will be watching closly wait till it all calms down then do that.

Consider you self heading for a new start. Dont let the stress of the situaction get you down. Think before you speek and dont let her near you child unless some one else is there. Think of your child first, then you second and go from there.

Best of luck. its not going to be easy for you now esp over the next year or so. how ever hold you head up high and be proud. Be the best father you can be for you child and thats all you need to do.

dont get involved in petty squabbles and walk away iff needs be. Make shure you son looks cute all the time and youll get loads of women oggling him ... lol.

Mick

 

[Youngie1337]

1) Child services do not need to take you to court to have the child removed. they can do it and then apply to the court afterwards.

2) if they said that then they are wrong how ever take heed and take it as a warning.

Personly i would speak to child services about her seeing the child under supervised access ONLY. this is to protect the child as you see her as a possable danger to him.

3) Star afresh with you son you better off with out her. let her dig her own grave and dont let her take it on you or your son.

4) Dont let her dictate any thing to you.

5) Kick the living !!!!!!!! out of you brother ....

6) dont do no 5) as CS will be watching closly wait till it all calms down then do that.

Consider you self heading for a new start. Dont let the stress of the situaction get you down. Think before you speek and dont let her near you child unless some one else is there. Think of your child first, then you second and go from there.

Best of luck. its not going to be easy for you now esp over the next year or so. how ever hold you head up high and be proud. Be the best father you can be for you child and thats all you need to do.

dont get involved in petty squabbles and walk away iff needs be. Make shure you son looks cute all the time and youll get loads of women oggling him ... lol.

Mick

Well said mate, this man knows his stuff .

 

[Rastalovich]

Mayhem has pretty much nailed it.

It's very easy to stand on the outside and tell u to kick her into touch, making sure it's out on the full and ur inside ur 22.

Real life never seems to go as easy as that.

 

[ppuff]

I agree with Mayhem also about the supervised visits because you wont have to deal with her coming over drunk or trying to get you to let her stay. That also gives her a bit of a way to understand that you mean business when it comes to your son and maybe she will see how she needs to change herself to be a better mother.Going through what I did I found that no matter how many threats of "you need to change or else..." went on they always go in one ear and out the other or generate the "bring it on" or "f*** you" type response.Once a court order is in place then there can be no argument of what time, when, how or how often.This just might make things a little easier on you, give you a little structure to all the stuff you are going to be sorting out.This is weird telling you what I think you should do because I am just an outsider and when I was going through my issues I had no clue what to do, but I guess it all worked out cuz here I am. Keep us posted. Mike.