International Rules Of Manliness

Alanore

New member
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANLINESS

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the

footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it

is permissible.

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. The

moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. b. After wrecking

your boss' car. c. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying

Game". d. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed

and eaten by his mates.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend

out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is

forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another

man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly

optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

playing.

10: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're

sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless

supermodel... and it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another bloke in the nuts.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or

LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

15: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.

16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours

except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

17: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you

need.

18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.

19: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for

her to drive yours.

20: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an

Xbox. End of story.
 
Aaahhh...Mr Alanore... I thought you were already a member here, given your love of TEC`s... if you`re wondering who this idiot is, its Kenny7426 from the CustomPC forums :)
 
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