Being trying again with overclocks and had more success...
I kept getting bluescreens, and I thought that in all the bluescreens I'd had trying to get the cpu stable it had caused errors in windows, so reformatted and reinstalled windows. As it was only a day old this wasnt any bother.
After fresh installs, bluescreens carried on so reset the CMOS which fixed it. i set the overclocks back to what they were when I was getting bluescreens and left the RAM in manual, rather than XMP. I think it was the RAM overclocks causing the bluescreens before, probably fiddled with timings or something.
Now I'm running the cpu at 4.5ghz at 1.21v stable so I think thats completely fine.
The RAM however...
If I put it to 1600mhz it runs fine. If I put it to 1800 or 1866, regardless of whether it's in XMP or Manual modes, it doesnt boot at all. For mushkin RAM I was expecting better than this tbh, unless it is me doing something wrong? (most likely
)
Any ideas how to get it past 1600mhz, or at least tighten the timings while keeping the RAM stable?