Get rid of that pesky sales call - give it to your child!

  • Thread starter Thread starter JN
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JN

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About 20 minutes ago, my partner took a call from a guy selling life insurance who was asking for me.

I'd just got home from work and wasn't in the mood to listen to his dribble, so i thought i'd put him through to someone with roughtly the same verbal capacity as him....my 2yr old daughter.

The conversation went something like this...

Salesman: Hello?

Daughter: Fishhyyyy!

Salesman: Hello?

Daughter: Ellooo

Salesman: Is your daddy there?

Daughter: No

Daugther: Christmas treeee!!!

Salesman: *silence*

Daughter: Mummy bath!

Salesman: Could i speak to your mummy again please?

Daugther: No

Salesman: What do you want for christmas?

Daugther: Meiow!

Daugther: Daddy daddy daddy.

Salesman: Yes, can i speak to daddy please

Daughter: Cock! (She means to say clock. I was pointing to it ;) )

Salesman: Well you have a nice christmas and make sure you get lots of presents

Daugter: Christmas treeeee!

Salesman: Bye now

Daughter: Byeeeee!

This was only a small slice of a 4 minute conversation. Me and the misus were pissing ourselfs laughing!!!
 
lol the salesman got :0wned:

Generally I just pretend I'm a psycho. I scream into the phone "Did it ever occur to you I have a life beyond this sales pitch and you're intruding on it?!" and wait for his reaction :p

Or the old classic, "Sorry I'm not the house owner I'm the burglar"
 
my convo goes something like this..

Salesman: would you like to buy xxxx

Me: erm, it isnt a good time at the moment

Salesman: when is it a good time to call?

Me: Not sure, tell you what, give me your home phone number and ill ring you later

Salesman: no

Me: why not

Salesman: i dont want people ringin me at my house

Me: I FUCKING DONT EITHER!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!

hang up
 
Mine is like this

Salesman: Hi, would you like to buy ________

Me: You know what I did just now?

Salesman: What

Me: I just took the biggest shit ever

Salesman: hangs up

Me: (to myself) it always works :D

:rollingla works every fukin time :D
 
Mines like this:

Salesman: Hell is Mr. "Kree" available? (not how my last name is pronounced)

Me: *click*
 
Mine goes:

Me: Hello

Salesman: Hi is that Matthew?

Me: Yes why?

Salesman: I'm just calling to ask if you were to have any of your windows double-glazed, which ones would it be?

Me: None: they're all double glazed already

Salesman: Oh

Me: *hangs up*

But thats muchas funny mate: wish I was there to hear it :rollingla
 
Classic one XMS, very well done sir!

For double glazing salesmen I always tell them I live in a shed and I'd be happy for them to double glaze it
 
I always get them asking if I want cheaper calls than my current company or if I would like a conservatory, nice if they buy the house for me first. More often than not htey cannot cos they are calling from india.

Oh hang on gotta go the phones ringing!
 
I might have to get my daughter to talk on the phone to salesmen (never had a saleswoman since I got my phoneline installed... I wonder why?). She's obsessed with sheep at the moment... they'll get a lot of "baaa sheep!" and not much else :P
 
The best one i heard, a friend of mine got called up, and asked if yhey would like a conservatory, he then spent 30 minuits discusing conservatorys, and finally said yes, i would love one, so the sales person said can i have your address then please? so he said: Flat 39 15'th floor Tower Block 47 lmao!
 
Dav0s said:
my convo goes something like this..

Salesman: would you like to buy xxxx

Me: erm, it isnt a good time at the moment

Salesman: when is it a good time to call?

Me: Not sure, tell you what, give me your home phone number and ill ring you later

Salesman: no

Me: why not

Salesman: i dont want people ringin me at my house

Me: I FUCKING DONT EITHER!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!

hang up
Click to expand...

yes, the seinfeld line ^^

I used to do telemarketing back in the day, MBNA Canada credit cards, i got a few of those, except the idiot would screw it up every time...

Me: *start call*

someone: uh, i'm a bit busy right now, why dont u give me your home phone number and i'll call u back in 5 minutes...

Me: Well, i'll actually still be here in 5 minutes, would you like me to put you down for a callback?

someone: *grumble grumble profanity* *click*

----------

I did get one that did it right though

Someone: you know, i'm a bit busy right now, why dont u give me ur home phone number and i'll call u back later...

Me: Alright 617-433-2....

Someone: No no, your HOME phone number

Me: Yes, thats correct, you have a pen handy there? Its 617-43...

Someone: You're giving me your home phone number?

Me: Well, yes, thats what u were asking for wasnt it?

Someone: Yeaaah but you were supposed to be like "no" and I would be like "oh, u dont want people calling you at home? now u know how i feel"

Me: Oooh right, the whole seinfeld thing, i'm sorry, would you like to try that again?

Someone: Naaah thats alright, thanks anyway...

yesss that was a fun job... for a short while anyway hah... *phone numbers may have been changed*
 
I don't get any anymore since prescribing to the Telephone Preference Service.

One tip that used to work really effectively:

Salesman: "I'd like to ask you......."

Me: "I'd like to ask you if you got laid last night"

Salesman: "Ummm?

Me: "If you stop intruding into my life I'll stop intruding into yours, goodbye."

Apparently some psychologist figured out that if you ask somebody who's going through a sales spiel a really personal question it registers in a different part of the brain and stops them dead in their tracks. I can testify it works.

:cool:

TOG
 
name='Toxteth O'Grady' said:
Apparently some psychologist figured out that if you ask somebody who's going through a sales spiel a really personal question it registers in a different part of the brain and stops them dead in their tracks. I can testify it works.
Click to expand...

I think if you ask anyone who is talking to you whether they got laid last night will stop them.
 
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