Hehehe, Its that time of year again fellas. Sit back and avoid putting any fluids in your mouth until you've finished reading 
The late Mr. James Elliot is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a near-
by bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit. (You parents of teenagers understand this . . . )
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...
$15. (If someone points a gun at you, and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immed-
iately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed
a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down, because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bar-
gained for. He, of course, sucked on the end of his siphon hose to create the needed vacuum for the "gasoline" to flow. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
The late Mr. James Elliot is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a near-
by bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit. (You parents of teenagers understand this . . . )
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...
$15. (If someone points a gun at you, and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immed-
iately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed
a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down, because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bar-
gained for. He, of course, sucked on the end of his siphon hose to create the needed vacuum for the "gasoline" to flow. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
