standin wave
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Courtesy of Friday Joke dot com - I'm not this funny!
Best Comedy Lines
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it
the Dead Sea.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
I was just in London - there is an 8-hour time difference. I'm still
confused..... When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel
hungry.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,
so he gave him another six months.
The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
The doctor says "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell
you?"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how
do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get
pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little
dinner...."
"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought
here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
A bum asked me "Give me £10 till payday." I asked "When's payday?" He
said "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I
let her out.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The
man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work
he's out of.
he he he
sw
Best Comedy Lines
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it
the Dead Sea.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
I was just in London - there is an 8-hour time difference. I'm still
confused..... When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel
hungry.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,
so he gave him another six months.
The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
The doctor says "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell
you?"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how
do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get
pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little
dinner...."
"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought
here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
A bum asked me "Give me £10 till payday." I asked "When's payday?" He
said "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I
let her out.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The
man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work
he's out of.
he he he
sw
