have a read of this would ya - its really short

[retrogamer1990]

hey so i needed to write a short poem for some stupid application , cant decide between which one to use

so please read each one and tell me what you think

numero uno:

She opens these eyes wide,

Like sapphires from heaven’s crown

Blessed upon on earth.

In them, glow her illuminations,

Past and present, Bright and faint.

They show innermost emotion

concealed, yet discovered

By looking through the windows,

Onto the delicate soul beneath.

A sweet lifetime of experience,

Captured in time, forever immortalised

In the staggering beauty of these eyes.

-----------------------------

kinda gay i know...but i have to...

-----------------------------

numero dos:

You lit the fuse effortlessly,

It smoulders until it disappears

Out of sight, but still burning inside,

It will provoke the unstoppable reaction.

Ignite the fuel, send me skyward,

A bright drop of moving colour against the black sea,

The noise, the heat, the fire inside cannot be contained

I must release it.

For an instant, I shine brighter than the stars,

They look upon me in awe, disbelief,

But as I knew it would be, I begin

Quickly fading away to nothing more than

A spent cartridge, a useless shell

Of my former self.

Falling to earth fast,

But the fuse you lit still glows in hope.

----------------------------------------

thanks for reading

[Kerotan]

First one is better imo, second one is a firework no?

[retrogamer1990]

hey thanks, yeah the second is a firework. I ended up using the 1st one anyway

[mayhem]

Flashes of light in all the brilliant colours of the rainbow passed by in swirls of mist with entwined screams of pain.

Falling, spinning, toppling in every direction as photos of the minds eye passed by.

Streams of violent black strips of light bounced and danced and twirled in between bright blue sparks.

A human heart pounding all burnt and the smell of hell had passed with an iridescent lack of thought.

Looking down the chest bulges and pounds and fear of loathing has gone.

Hate of the world encapsulated into every living thing.

Death was near and the shrieks of the after life could be heard as a momentous rush of pain went trough all his veins of life.

The coldness of the violent storm was passing with every whim life was over.

hehehe

[retrogamer1990]

shamed me nice metaphors

[mayhem]

TBH its from a book i wrote. Just never published it mainly kept it for my self. all so i did a MP3 track that uses the words as well. -> Music

Allso like yours above ..

Cannot post any other's as they are quite violent and contain words that would be blanked. Thats what you get when you mind becomes really warped ....

[retrogamer1990]

brilliantly warped it would seem