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Old 22-08-07, 06:01 AM
PP Mguire PP Mguire is offline
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Posts: 3,249
A few 1 liners.

- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

- I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

- I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

- I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

- You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither.

- Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

- Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

- You never know where to look when eating a banana.

- The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

- Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

- You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

- If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

- Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

- Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

-Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?

- Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

- Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

- Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

- What do people in China call their good quality plates?

- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

- What do you call male ballerinas?

- Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

- Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.

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Old 22-08-07, 11:25 AM
emma emma is offline
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I wish i was witty enough to come up with lines like that....infact i wish i had the courage to use them
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Old 22-08-07, 12:02 PM
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Mr. Smith Mr. Smith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by name='PP Mguire'
- I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' LMAO

- You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither. lol

- Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Never been to the gyno for obvious reasons, but it's like when you go to the clap clinic and they say we'll leave the room now while you undress... Or so my mate told me

- Is French kissing in France just called kissing? I dated a French girl at uni (nothing to do with the abouve comment) I asked her, they call it British kissing

- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by name='paigesmummy'
I wish i was witty enough to come up with lines like that....infact i wish i had the courage to use them
Use one at the next opportunity! Pleeeeease...
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